How does this work??,
Is a question I constantly catch skimming across my brain. Even growing up in a
cyber lifestyle with myspace, facebook, twitter, pintrest, instagram and now
blogging I haven’t been able to get a grip on the whole “fad”, at least I was
hoping it’s all a fad, and maybe one day again I may be cool. Even working at a
paperless company for the last fours years I haven’t quite been able to keep up
with the online demands, hoping that one day it will all just come to me. Is it
my job, lifestyle or my laziness that this has all become too much, or is
everyone in the same boat.
So why me of all
people have I started a blog, where did I get the inspiration to start and what
do I expect to get from it? Well firstly, I’m not fooling myself thinking that
I will be the next you tube sensation or have 1 million hits in the first week,
I consider myself lucky if someone falls across this page in a Google search
for loser. This is more of a personal blog, to track where I’ve come, what I’m
doing and where I want to be. A page where I can finally pull all those
floating documents from my home screen into one tight bundle of inspiration,
thoughts, projects and organised mess. Do I plan to waste endless hours turning
into days on this new hobby, no, am I foolish enough to expect that wont
happen, yes, am I already constantly thinking I should be out in the sunshine
not stuck behind a computer, another yes. But one thing I do know for sure is
that it will one day finally give me the drive to change what needs to be
changed and look back on the adventures and laughs I’ve had in time.
Lets step back a bit in
time and rediscover who I really am now and what circus is cycling around my
head just like a theme song. Simple girl from the beach who has a sickly obsession
with food, like everyone else, except it controls me, not me controlling it.
That is maybe one of the reasons why I’m starting a public blog, to finally
hold myself responsible for my gorging actions, scared of embarrassment and shame. Not
that I really care what people think but I am the more private type. Not shy,
just private. Even friends and past boyfriends don’t really ever know how I
feel as I just palm all that off as prefer to let me sort myself out in my own
head. I prefer to be positive on the outside but maybe food has been my way of
dealing with the inside. Is this my demise? Past boys have said they could
never get close to me because I was too independent. Since when can one be too
independent? When it comes to relationships, maybe. Is that why I’m still
single? No, I chose this way. I like ‘me’ time, all the time. My work has kept
me pretty busy in the last 4 and half years. But times are for changing and
that includes me. I want a total rehaul and the street is positive lane. Move
is in the air and I’m stuck in the zepher.
There is so much
swirling around my head wanting to fall out onto the keys and into the screen,
how have I had so much pent up in my head for so long, will this be a form of
meditation? Who knows but time will tell. I’m on the path of redemption and I
could not be more excited about what lies ahead. Scared, yes, determined, yes,
holding back, no. Body, mind, spirit, goals, relationships and finances are on
the table, in the cards and on the mend. The only way is up and this is my
platform.
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